Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
