He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
