i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Randomize
