It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
