I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
