how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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