AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Everything about him screamed your future.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
