so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
