I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
