Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
