So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
my phone needs a breathalizer
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
