I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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