I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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