how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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