How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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