if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
