i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
