I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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