hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
