She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
