we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
