You're a womanizer and a bitch.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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