This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
