i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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