hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
