He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
