You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
