What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
