I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
