his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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