I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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