Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
