Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
