I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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