Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
