Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
