please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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