Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
