Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
