I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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