is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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