I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
