As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
