I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
