how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Green mimosas i think yes
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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