Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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