I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
