Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
