get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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