i think my tv is drunk
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
