Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
