So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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