theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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