He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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